A story I wrote for him.

It was just supposed to be a catch up, but she missed the last train, and I don't know how it started, but now she's lying in my bed, her legs spread, my mouth around her clit, slowly sucking while my fingers slip in and out of her.

I didn't hear you walk in, but I feel your breath behind my ear, your hand is firmly on my ass. You bite my neck and I bury myself deeper into her, while you move towards her and she starts to take you in her mouth. I've got my lips around her clit and she can barely moan, you're so deep inside her throat.

You push her away and pin me down. Reach your fingers to feel how wet I am. I'm ready to fucking scream as you lie down and pull my mouth on to you. I fucking love going down on you, I love feeling your dick twitch as I swirl my tongue around your head, seeing how hard you get while I take you deeper and deeper, all the while getting wetter.

You pull me towards you by the hair and sit me down on to you, slowly, inch by inch, until i can barely breathe. you're filling me up so completely I feel like i'm going to come right this fucking second, but I don't, I'm not coming until you tell me I can.

I sit there with your dick inside me until I can't take it anymore, then you thrust so fucking hard that I shake. I lean forward and pull her onto your face. I want to see you lick her, see you suck her, I want to taste her on your lips when she's come. I ride you hard while you fuck her with your tongue, and I turn around so she can play with my ass while you fuck me. She's about to come, so I tell her to lie on her back. You get up and fuck me from behind while I finish her off with my fingers and tongue. Then she lies beneath me so she can suck my clit while you fuck me from behind. You feel how close I am and whisper in my ear, come now. Come right fucking now. At the same time, you and I explode.

I come so hard and so long that i collapse onto the bed, but I still want to taste you, so you kneel in front of me and I lick you clean, every last drop.

Because I fucking love the way you fuck me.

A new job, and sex on New Year's Eve.

Firstly, I should mention that I slept with the guy from Halloween one more time since then - a simple booty call. He still wouldn't let me touch his cock, and after we fucked he told me this story about a girl he thinks he was meant to be with, who ended up with someone else. I could tell he's quite broken, and we haven't seen each other since.

Anyway, aside from that, I have been stripping since the second week of December. It's such a crazy world, totally enlightening to be surrounded by gorgeous women comfortable in their own skins. I can have completely naked conversations with completely naked girls and no one feels strange in the slightest.

It's hard work though, and the hardest thing for me has been adjusting to the sales part of the job. Which is 99.99% of it. I don't like sales, I don't like being fake, and I don't like taking advantage of people. But that's what I'm having to learn to do- sell, sell, sell. However the industry's been really dead the past few weeks, so I've taken some time away. Hopefully the clubs will be busy again by March and I can stick with it, because I love being self employed and working my own hours.

It can also be a huge turn on, and I've realised how much of an exhibitionist I really am- I totally get off on having people watch and admire my body and the way I move.

In other news, New Year's Eve was absolutely lovely, I went to a quiet gathering until after midnight, then moved on to a really big house party nearby. I ended up talking to an English guy, bearded, rugged, dishevelled kinda look, but in the sexy way. Smoked joints with him and his friend in the yard 'til they wanted to go home. He asked me if I wanted to go with him, and I said yes, even though I couldn't tell if he wanted me or if he was just being polite. At the house, the three of us ended up sitting around a table, and I still couldn't figure out whether or not I was getting vibes from this guy. So I decided to leave. He walked me out the front of the house, and offered to walk me back to the party. I said it was ok. Then he asked me to stay over. Finally. It was quite hilariously awkward, we were like teenagers who didn't quite know how to make a move. I moved closer in and we kissed. There was chemistry and he was a gorgeous kisser, so I went back inside with him. His friend had gone to bed, so we moved up to his bedroom. We smoked another joint and talked for a bit, and then we fucked for a good two hours. It was great, I hadn't been laid in a while, and hadn't been down on a guy in even longer, so I really enjoyed having someone who let me totally explore his body. He fingered my ass while I sat on his cock, and it was nice to have some raw, uninhibited sex.

I have a lot more stories to come, but don't want to cram them all into the one post, and I'm feeling a little tired and frazzled right now so I'll leave it there for the moment. But I'll write soon. I have recently had the best sex of my life, pulled a 'straight' girl, and fucked a guy with the hottest body I have ever seen, and I have to brag about all three incidents.

And dear fuck I love this picture.

Pornstar without a cause.

This entry, is about a porn.

I generally don't get off on heterosexual porn. Maybe it's because it's not much of a fantasy watching a guy pound a girl. I prefer to watch lesbian porn- thinking about eating another girl out is a huge turn-on for me, and I suppose because I have less experience with girls, it's more of a fantasy.

I also sometimes watch gay porn. I prefer it to straight anal porn, because the guy's are louder, and there's something about watching a guy's ass being rimmed, fingered and fucked that turns me on. I don't know if there's some kind of power play that I like, seeing guys in a submissive position with other men, but I like it.

Anyway, what spurred on this entry is my discovery of one specific, male, pornstar with whom I have completely and entirely become smitten. I came across him in a lot of S&M videos that I'd come across, and then saw him in a video with four other girls and did some research to find out who he is. Turns out he's pretty darn famous, in fact I'm sure you will have heard of James Deen. He's extremely popular with women, which in the porn industry says a lot, because not that many women seem to admit to watching porn. Not in comparison to men, anyway.

So here are the reasons that I, a girl who doesn't generally like watching men in straight porn, cum at the drop of a hat when watching James Deen perform:

*He is believable. Watching him, I get the feeling that he genuinely appreciates the women he is with. Even when he is punish-fucking someone, he will stil gently guide them into position and look them in the eyes.

*He is natural. He whispers things into the girls ears, that aren't picked up by the camera, they are simply coming from him, to the girls.

*He is fucking sexy. He doesn't have the big, muscly, meathead look of a lot of male pornstars. He looks more like a popstar than a pornstar.

It's amazing watching James Deen strike this incredible balance between S&M master and sensitive lover, and even in more "vanilla" porn, he delivers a good, hard fuck that seems to be heartfelt. It sounds obvious, but this guy seems to genuinely enjoy his job, and tends to worship and respect the women he is working with. He is amazing to watch when he gives head, and he seems to observe every small movement of the bodies of the women he is with- taking extreme pleasure in watching them react to his touch and the things he whispers in their ears, and watching them with intense satisfaction as they orgasm, absorbing every small spasm and involuntary moan.

James Deen does a lot for straight porn, and I would give anything to be honoured enough to be fucked by him.

A little touch of fury.

Vent tiiiime!

I'm not going to go into all the details because I don't want to give away too much about anyone's lives, also still boiling over with a hell of a lot of anger, and I've spoken to my friends about it a lot, and I'm kind of over thinking about it, so I've been putting off this entry for a few days.

The ex. Ohhhh how you think you're OK, and then you can just be derailed.

Basically, I went to a funeral of someone in his family. And I just had a gut feeling he'd have a girlfriend by now, so I did some first class, 21st Century Facebook stalking (which I usually abstain from) and discovered that my gut feeling was true. I also had a feeling that he wouldn't have the courtesy to let me know ahead of time that she exists. Gave him the benefit of the doubt, but I was right.

THANK FUCK I did my research before going to this funeral. He was so gutless all he did was try and make little jokes with me but didn't even mention her. Then the poor girl had to come up and introduce herself to me, which was the respectful thing to do and I really appreciated it. And he tried to apologise for the "awkwardness" of the situation.

I am SO OVER his apologies. He always looks so genuinely upset that he's fucked up, and it's like- don't be such a fucking thoughtless dumbass in the first place and you won't have to feel bad!
I told him he was an idiot, and that I would have appreciated it if he'd told me ahead of time. Then when I left, I thanked his girlfriend in front of him for introducing herself to me. I'm hoping I made my point clear.

I am done with him. I keep looking back on things in our relationship, and every time he has hurt me it has been through inaction. He's an extremely avoidant person, and this is the last opportunity he's ever getting to affect me like this again.

I was angry at him, and I was angry at myself for still being able to be that angry at him.

I still need to process and work through a lot of this anger, a few things have resurfaced, but one thing I noticed was that I didn't feel that chemical pull to him anymore. Maybe it's because I had already decided I was furious with him before I got to the funeral, but when I saw him and hugged him and when he spoke to me, I didn't really want a bar of it.

When I looked at them together, as much as I didn't want to think about it, and I went through a brief moment of fantasies where I smashed their heads together into a bloody mess, overall I didn't want to be her. I don't want to be in that position again.

I sometimes miss the good parts of our relationship, but sometimes I think a lot of the good parts where only good because I was looking at them with my eyes closed.

I was doing so well and this set me off a bit, but as my best friend said, it's just a hiccup, not a step back. I have amazing friends who have commented on how far I've come with this breakup, and when I think about where I was a year and a half ago and where I am now, fuck damn it I have a thousand and four reasons to be proud of who I am.

I don't usually like inspiration, motivational bullshit, but my picture today is going to be of text, I'm sorry. A friend sent it to me in regards to this situation, and it really struck a deep cord with me, especially the last sentence. I think it wraps up this chapter of my life quite nicely.

Kit xx

So much to say.

It's about time I write this post!

It's a warm night and I'm sitting on my bedroom floor with a lit candle listening to Coldplay after painting my nails. Totally zen haha.

I have quite a lot to update on, so I think I'll divide this entry into sections.

THIRD BASE

I stayed over at the house of the girl I'd been seeing. Goes without saying, given her profession, that she had an awesome body. And really big boobs, they were fun to play with! But she had a nipple piercing in each side, and I found it strange, they looked great- but I just didn't know what to do with them!
Anyway, she went down on me for a good half hour, and behind her was a mirrored wall, so I just watched her gorgeous ass while she ate me out. It was such a huge turn on. However it was the "time of month" for her, so that was as far as it went, which frustrated me because I was so ready to pop my girl-cherry!
Anyway, after that night a few things happened, not major so I'll skim over them, but the general idea is that I don't think I should see her as more than a friend anymore, we are just not a good fit for one another's mental health.

So that's where that chapter ends, for now anyway.

HERE'S MY NUMBER

I went out with a group of friends and got preeeetty solidly plastered. It was one of those "I don't give a fuck" nights, I wasn't out to impress anyone or hoping for any action.

Those are always the times when things fall into your lap.

We were leaving one bar to go to a gay club, and walked past a guy who seemed pretty good looking. We had some drunken banter and left to get into my friend's car. As he was pulling out onto the road, I decided I wanted to give the guy my number, so my amazing bro-friend went around the block for me. In my mind I was all smooth talking and flirtatious, but in reality I probably stumbled over and shoved a crumpled bit of paper in his hand, breathing on him with my vodka breath.

Either way he called me straight up saying "this really sexy girl just gave me her number but I'm not sure if it's real". I was probably a major smart-ass, in my IDGAF mood that night, and he said he'd call me the next day. I thought yeahhh sure.

But he did!
He's gone overseas, but maybe I'll catch up with him when he's back.

And that's that.

CALL ME MAYBE

So that same night we moved onto the gay club. I was grinding like crazy with one of my guy friends, when this girl looked at me from across the dance floor, laughing.

She was stunning. Brown hair swept across her face, deep blue eyes shining out from beneath. A Bohemian, windswept look to her, with such adorable femininity. I had no doubt in my mind that this girl was straight- a "fag hag", if you'll pardon the expression.

But she seemed to be enjoying my ridiculous dance moves, and I was still not giving a flaming crap, so I extended my hand out to her and she joined me in a dance.

And this pretty little straight girl moved in closer.

And closer.

And closer.

Until I could see that this girl was no fag hag, but rather quite possibly the hottest lesbian in the country. And she had a British accent! We danced and talked and made out, and eventually she had to leave. I didn't think she'd be interested in anything more, and I almost sarcastically said "you can leave, but only when you've given me your number". It was then that I realised she already had her phone out.

Yada yada yada, and we ended up going on a few dates. She. Is. Awesome. We really get along, and she is as gorgeous when I'm sober. At least three of my friends have crushes on her.

Last week, she came out with my school friends, and ended up coming back to my place.

Yes, I popped my girl-cherry. I lost my lezginity.
And it was awesome.

I couldn't believe how much hotter she is without clothes. It's amazing. She is incredible. I wish I could paint a picture with my mind and project it onto the sky for all the world to see. This level of beauty should not be kept a secret.

Dear God.

Believe it or not I'm a pretty awkward person, so when we got to my room I said "I can give you some pyjamas if you want". She replied with "only if you're offended by me being in my underwear", and stripped down to bra and underpants. Then she crawled into bed next to me.

She has the softest, perkiest breasts. And got so incredibly wet.

It's funny, you think you know all about your gender and your body, but there's so much to learn just by being on the other side!
I had no idea we get that wet! And feeling her cum was absolutely incredible! Her entire body shook, and with my fingers inside her I could feel her pulsing. She cums so easily, it's incredible.

She got me closer than I have ever been with anyone (other than when I have actually cum, of course), and it was only when I realised I was about to cum that I tensed up and didn't. I think if I work on relaxing she will actually be able to bring me to orgasm.

I made her cum once by going down on her, then once again with my fingers, and again in the morning.

I haven't seen her since because we've both been studying, but I will see her again. She's so gorgeous.

She goes back to London in exactly a month, which fucking blows, but I'm just going to enjoy my time with her while I have her here.

She's beautiful.

TRICK OR TREAT

And lastly, Halloween- I got myself some action on Wednesday and Thursday nights, although Thursday wasn't really action, and barely deserves a mention. In fact all it was was a drunken make-out with a 20 year old guy in his car, but he wouldn't sleep with me because my eyes were scary (I had in Halloween contacts), so I went home. Hahaha.

But Wednesday, I went to a friend's party, and again had no intention of picking up, I'd only just slept with my English girl on Monday, anyway!

Long story short, apartment party in the city ended up being relocated to a rooftop further up the road. Such a warm, gorgeous night.

The guy whose rooftop it was and I got talking. He was interesting, and somehow managed to talk me into bed without even kissing me. It was so strange! We spoke for ages, and I got cold so he put his arm around me, and it became quite clear we were into one another. We were interrupted and ended up merging into the group, but he asked me to sit next to him on the couch, and put his arm around me. We kept talking, and he asked me to go downstairs. I had a friend with me who was staying at my place, so I told him I couldn't. But we were both so incredibly frustrated, and there was such a tension between us.

So I told my friend to wait, and went downstairs. I told him this was weird, because we hadn't even kissed, what if there's no chemistry. So he kissed me in the hallway, and thank God it was good!

He took me to his room on the 9th floor, with a huge window and a view of the city. It was good sex- relaxed, fun, friendly. He was good with his hands and tongue. He wouldn't let me touch him, which was interesting, but we'd already had a discussion upstairs about how he doesn't like receiving head (mind blown) for various reasons I didn't agree with... Anyway, so that didn't surprise me.

I was worried he'd be the "making love" type, but after a lot of foreplay and some gentle sex, he softly flipped me over, pulled my hair, and fucked me from behind. It was just what I needed.

He was the funniest guy in the world afterwards- I've never seen anyone so excited to have just had sex! He was all "wooo, yeahhh! yeahhhh!!!". It was HILARIOUS! I think we high-fived about three times. And he didn't want to wipe my makeup off his face.

He asked me how he compares to a girl. My answer was that the girl I was with Monday gave the best head I had ever received. But girls can't throw you down and fuck you.

Sometimes I just need to be pounded.