This bed is too big for the one of me.

Ok, so I'm a little lonely.

I've realised I can get sex, if I want it that badly. But what I really miss is having someone text me in the morning and text me goodnight, and hold me close and look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me without any words.

It's been two months since the break up, but I still cry. Not as often, and I feel a lot stronger, but I still cry. And I will for a long time still, I think. I just love him so much, and to have that just slip away... It's a strange feeling. I miss him like Hell.

I've been dreaming about him a lot. Last night I woke up almost in tears, and it wasn't even a bad dream- just a dream that we were together.

And this is where I need to be careful not to make any wrong moves with the friend that I slept with the other night- because I know him, and we're relatively close, there was an emotional connection. It felt safe. And I want more.

But I can't mistake those feelings for anything more than friendship, and I can't get myself into a relationship based on false pretences. But at the same time I do want to sleep with him again. Not just for the sex- mainly for the closeness. The holding, and the kissing, and the stupid jokes and talking all night and laughing about things that don't really matter, and having deep philosophical discussions that make us seem so small in the scheme of things.

Holding on to each other like if it were the end of the world, we would be happy to end together, in the moment, as one, for all eternity.

That's how we were.

I have no idea how I lost all that so suddenly.