Horny all the time.

There have been a few things I've wanted to write about these past few days but just haven't got around to it. So I'll try and remember as much as I can before I go to bed. I'm on night 3 of a 7-day bender, so I'm not all there. =P

A few nights ago I was really missing the ex. I went away for the weekend for uni stuff and that helped to distract me. Sunday was supposed to be our 2 year anniversary.

I've been thinking about the first year or so of our relationship- we used to start having sex in our sleep, and wake up in the middle of fucking. It was amazing- to be so insanely attracted to one another that we'd just start fucking in our sleep, and both be surprised when we woke up, usually with me on top as we fucked passionately, having no idea how this started. I'll always miss that.

But I've been reasonably OK since the other night when I had my mini breakdown. They happen, it's still early.

Last night I ended up bringing a friend home, a different friend to the one I slept with a couple of weeks ago. We'd actually hooked up years ago, before I was with my ex. I think he's always been into me, but I've never been attracted to him. I'm still not really physically attracted to him, but god fucking damn it- the chemistry between us when we hook up is just fucking brilliant. We didn't have sex because we didn't have any condoms, but he did stay the night, and I made him cum.

He has a good cock. Not as long as my ex, but thick. Nice and thick.

I want him to fuck me. He seems to be able to handle me. I like the way he drags his fingernails down my back.

I'm hoping I'll see him on Saturday night- a few of my friends are coming over, we're going to get high in the garage. I hope he comes over and stays the night again. I've never had sex while high.

Also, this Thursday I'm going lesbian clubbing.
Bedtime now, but I'll post again soon.

It's been a while.

The other night started off pretty standard- watching lesbian porn and cumming while sitting on the floor next to my bed. But later on, as I was lying in bed playing with two of my toys- a cheap version of "the rabbit", and an equally cheap version of "the butterfly"- I decided I wanted my ass stimulated as well as my pussy. First I just tried putting my rabbit in upside down, so that its nose vibrated on my ass instead of my clit. But I needed more.
So I whipped out the lube, and shoved the entire, thick, vibrator into my ass. I then used the butterfly on my clit, and holy fuck- I came fast and HARD! It was amazing.

I'd wanted to do anal with the ex, and use my vibrator in my pussy at the same time, but we never got around to it. So that's another on the bucket list.
I found a porno of a girl fucking a guy in the ass with a toy, and although my "non-porn" brain isn't really into that, and I don't think I would enjoy doing it as I'm a submissive, I actually really got off to that video.

I'm actually really horny just writing that, so I might just have to discreetly whip out my butterfly again and hope no one comes into my room anytime soon.

I fixed my internet just after writing this.....PORN TIME!!!!

I haven't had access to the internet in a while, because my modem is stuffed, and I'm waiting for the new one to come in the mail. So I'm typing this on my laptop with no internet connection, and I'll save it to post when I'm back in action.

I should state that today is the end of Tuesday, August 9^th.

I went to the pub with my friends again last night, after hitting the gym, feeling fit and determined not to drink... That failed. I didn't drink a huge amount, but enough to stack the calories back on! Haha, oh well. We ended up in a van belonging to one of the guys in our group, singing really loudly outside a brothel until 2:00am. We even got two random girls to come into the van for a while, and a strange man offering us weed from outside the window (we declined).

I came home alone and blasted Katy Perry into my headphones while eating fried rice and drinking Bailey's. It was a friend's birthday that night- the friend through whom I met my ex; so I was not in the best frame of mind to be alone. Our anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks, but thank goodness I'm going to be busy all day, and I'm sure my friends will keep me occupied at night as well.

Well I guess I should backtrack now and fill you all in on what's been going on since I last posted! Although I'm not exactly sure when I last posted, and I can't get online to check... But I do know that I left off just before the planned threesome! Even the night before that I don't think I posted. So I'll start there.

On Friday night, a good friend of mine and I were going to have a quiet night in- watch some DVDs, save some money, get a good night's rest.... Yeah right. We ended up at a couple of bars with the group, and then somehow four of us wound up in an alley getting high with a guy we knew of, but didn't actually know. Got home at around 5:00am. Crazy, and oh so classy.

The friend I slept with the other week was there, but nothing happened. In fact he was there last night as well, and it was nice and friendly and casual. Although I noticed that seeing him flirt with other girls, I do feel a slight pang of jealousy. Completely unjustified, but it's there, a little. I'm very much in two minds about whether I should sleep with him again, but I think I should decide to just relax and take things as they come. If anything happens again organically, that's great, but I don't want to force anything. However at the same time I don't think he's the type to make the first move again, so part of me just wants to be blunt and say “look, I'd fuck you again. If you ever feel the same, just pull me aside, grab my waist and hold me by the back of the head while you kiss me. I'll get the hint”.

OK on to Saturday! I know a lot of you will be checking in on the whole threesome prospect- and unfortunately, I don't have a story to tell this time!
The couple was great, we got along, and they were both far better looking in person than in their pictures. However, because of my big Friday night, and the fact that they hadn't had any sleep the night before either, we all had a couple of drinks and then started to get insanely sleepy... So we called it a night and headed to our respective homes!
I know, right- too sleepy for a threesome? How the fuck OLD am I?!!
But I suppose it was better than forcing it and having a terrible time. It's pretty funny, when I think about it. Oh well, maybe one day I'll find myself in Sydney and will find them again, haha. Although I did email the second couple, the one that I thought was better looking to begin with- but I haven't heard from them again, so I get the feeling they may have chickened out.

Guess it's not quite as easy as I thought to find sex. HA!

I thought I had more to say, but I can't remember right now... I am, yet again, getting rather horny, and would love to have another person here to press my naked body up against... I love the feeling of warm chests pressing together.

I'm not too huge on masturbating, either. I get horny, but I don't really do much about it. Although I would love to get off to porn tonight, but thanks to my lousy lack of internet, that's out of the question. Even my iPhone has decided that the internet isn't a viable feature anymore!
So we'll see... I might bother to fantasise and get myself wet enough to touch myself... Or I might reach under my bed and grab my sex toys one by one... But more than likely I'll just tweak my nipples and feel my breasts up a bit before just going to sleep, and having equally uneventful dreams.

Someone please just burst into my room, tell me not to make a sound, and fuck me until I'm raw and begging for forgiveness.

This bed is too big for the one of me.

Ok, so I'm a little lonely.

I've realised I can get sex, if I want it that badly. But what I really miss is having someone text me in the morning and text me goodnight, and hold me close and look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me without any words.

It's been two months since the break up, but I still cry. Not as often, and I feel a lot stronger, but I still cry. And I will for a long time still, I think. I just love him so much, and to have that just slip away... It's a strange feeling. I miss him like Hell.

I've been dreaming about him a lot. Last night I woke up almost in tears, and it wasn't even a bad dream- just a dream that we were together.

And this is where I need to be careful not to make any wrong moves with the friend that I slept with the other night- because I know him, and we're relatively close, there was an emotional connection. It felt safe. And I want more.

But I can't mistake those feelings for anything more than friendship, and I can't get myself into a relationship based on false pretences. But at the same time I do want to sleep with him again. Not just for the sex- mainly for the closeness. The holding, and the kissing, and the stupid jokes and talking all night and laughing about things that don't really matter, and having deep philosophical discussions that make us seem so small in the scheme of things.

Holding on to each other like if it were the end of the world, we would be happy to end together, in the moment, as one, for all eternity.

That's how we were.

I have no idea how I lost all that so suddenly.